Delusional

All right.  I admit it.  I'm sick of this weather.  It may not look like fall or winter any more, but it  feels like the end of November.  I hate getting up at 6 AM and if I could give myself a coffee I.V., I'd be wheeling one of those little bags around with me all day today.  It's Wednesday, a no time for exercise day no matter how much I need it.  And every single one of my loved ones has bleek aspects to their lives right this moment - and that doesn't account for the suffering of my clients.  I hate that I can't do one whit more about it than I'm already doing.  Suffering sucks - and for parents, if you are one, you know -if it's your children, square that.  You're supposed to take care of them and be able to fix it, but sometimes you just can't.   Crap, crap, crap.  Plus I just noticed in the mirror of the shabby bathroom at the bowels of the Guyte building at Purdue where I sit in my tiny office T & W mornings, that I have white deodorant smears on my shirt.  They are not coming off.  There's a bumper sticker on the door to the Anatomy & Physiology room - you see it when you go out of the bathroom.  Some days it's really just the truth.  "Oh, I'm stuck in a vortex of unspeakable evil.  And you?"  Think maybe these feelings were brewing in yesterday's rant about mean people at the BMV?  It feels good to dwell for a minute on how rotten things are.  Like a good soak in a hot tub.  Once you get started, it's amazing what you can pile on.  But self indulgence only gets you so far, then the water gets cold and your fingers and toes get wrinkly.

So, here's the thing that gets me through days like today.  It's temporary.  (Disclaimer:  If this sort of hopeless/helpless/anxious mood lasts longer than a month, go get some medication and see a therapist.) Not death and taxes, but everything else about life and your current circumstances.  The weather.  Temporary.  Sleepiness.  Temporary.  Suffering.  Temporary.  Joy.  Temporary.  Sick.  Temporary.  Being human.  Temporary.  There are always slivers of truth to tune into that make you feel better in the face of seemingly immovable other truths.  Maybe that's delusional, dwelling on good stuff in the face of uck.  What can I say?  I choose delusional.  A lot.  What the hell?  If I'm wrong, I still feel a little bit more in control because I just reminded myself I am in charge of how I interpret the meaning of things and therefore how I feel.  We're not really in charge of much more than that in this being human phase of existence. That's actually a good thing.  It's a good thing I don't have a magic wand because my children and clients would be emotional cripples. They'd never overcome a single obstacle themselves because I'd be way ahead fixing it before there was a moment's discomfort.  So, we do have that going for us.  No magic wands.  Be still a minute with the stuff you feel rotten about.  Let it just be what it is.  Then move your focus elsewhere.  Right (or delusional) thinking makes for right choice which sets us up for better consequences - or at least keeps the opportunity for a better outcome in the realm of possiblity.  So, sometimes I'm delusional.  I got that going for me.   XOXO